I awoke around 3:30am last Wednesday morning gripped with anxiety over my new neighbors. I know it sounds weird that of all the things I could be anxious about, my mind was consumed with the neighbors. But this recent change of new people in "the hood" on two separate sides has been getting to me.
There are the usual, expected changes in life. Our families grow and expand with each child the Lord blesses us with. Their needs are constantly changing as they mature. Our bodies change as we find ourselves on the other side of the hill. I used to be able to put on a little weight and it would stay right where it was. Now it sinks, and its all bumpy! We have had a few sermons on change at church lately. Our church is growing and we are in a period of shuffle. These are all the normal changes of life.
The little community we live in here on the outskirts of Longview has long been known as Omega, Texas. A place like Omega, meaning "the end", is a place where you can expect things not to change much. I have lived here since I was 12 years old. Mark and I married when I was 22 and I moved down the hill into the mobile home that was provided for me. Six years later I moved down the hill a little further into the log house Mark and my dad built for us. I have lived here ever since with an address that has changed only once since I was 12, and that was because the 911 emergency calling system was being reorganized. The neighbors on both sides of me have not changed much either. The little lady up the hill to the north was there before me. Finally, at age 89 she was admitted into a nursing home this past spring. Her grandson and wife, plus three daughters came to occupy her house this past August. The lady in the house that used to belong to my brother just sold out after six years, to a single, oil field worker guy. So, I find, even in Omega, God forbid, that change is staring me in the face again.
I have been weighed down with the burden of ceremony beyond what I can bear as I have obsessed over this new neighbor issue. I know I should take some of the fresh baked bread Mattie has been baking over to each household and welcome them to the neighborhood. But alas, what I used to be so eager to do, that thing, like Paul laments in Romans 7, I find I can't do. Not only do I not have any desire to welcome the neighbors, but because I have already been informed of a few details about each household, I have allowed myself to form the opinion that I don't even like these neighbors. (May God have mercy on me if I ever have to be a new neighbor!) There it is! That is what is gripping me with anxiety. It is not the changes themselves, it is the fear of my reaction to them. I am afraid of myself and what I know I am becoming if the Holy Spirit does not mercifully intervene!
I tossed and turned till 4am. I got up and cried to the Lord, "What is to keep me from falling? What if I do fall, will you catch me? Must I continue to pull myself up by the boot straps and go through motions I have no heart for? Then, somehow will I feel the closeness of your presence? I have heard that feelings follow obedience, but I am tired and weary and I just need to know you love me and you are near whether I ever greet the neighbors or not."
The Psalms have been my Bible reading plan this past year. I have spent a good deal of it in Psalm 62. I turned there once again. My eyes rested on these words, "Trust in Him at all times, O people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us." Suddenly, He was there standing before me, loving me. Suddenly He was looking straight into my heart reminding me of how much He had given for me to be able to be with Him right then, right there. I melted as He lifted the whole burden concerning the neighbors. He assured me there would be a right time and place to do what I know is right to do. His precious Spirit made it clear in that moment that it wasn't going to be that day. I willingly laid on the altar my idea of how it would all work out that instant, and whispered, "What would you have me to do this day, my Lord?" He said, "Rest, I promise not to let go of you, ever!"
It is good to know one thing never changes. The unchangeableness of His purpose towards me!
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Friday, September 7, 2007
Acceptance With Joy
I am ever so challenged to live in the present these days. Many of you know about the constant limbo our lives seems to be in. The state of Mark's back situation still remains very much up in the air as the doctor's keep trying one proceedure after another. I have been reading the great classic "Hind's Feet on High Places" and have been so encouraged by one part in particular where Much Afraid lays upon the altar her willingness to have acceptance-with-joy over whatever the Shepherd brings her way. As she journeys on down the road, impatience gets a foothold in her heart. Her enemies, bitterness, self-pity, and resentment come at her with such a vengence she can hardly make a stand against them. When the Shepherd comes to her rescue, He reminds her how well she was journeying until she allowed herself to become impatient. This is surely a word for me.
God required the children of Israel to gather only enough manna for the day at hand. I believe somewhere along the journey every Christian must learn how dependent he (she) is on God for even the most minute needs whether they be material, emotional, or spiritual. It is a hard lesson; It makes me feel so vulnerable. The truth of the matter is we all are. Could it be that God wants me to see how blessed those are that actually know it? These are not the kind of blessings I had in mind that I wanted God to give me. It is not what I would have chosen. I didn't know I would get dependence training 101. But as C.S. Lewis says in his children's tales "The Chronicles of Narnia", "He is not a tame lion".
Lord, give me the grace to accept with joy whatever you have!
God required the children of Israel to gather only enough manna for the day at hand. I believe somewhere along the journey every Christian must learn how dependent he (she) is on God for even the most minute needs whether they be material, emotional, or spiritual. It is a hard lesson; It makes me feel so vulnerable. The truth of the matter is we all are. Could it be that God wants me to see how blessed those are that actually know it? These are not the kind of blessings I had in mind that I wanted God to give me. It is not what I would have chosen. I didn't know I would get dependence training 101. But as C.S. Lewis says in his children's tales "The Chronicles of Narnia", "He is not a tame lion".
Lord, give me the grace to accept with joy whatever you have!
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Ruling the World from the Cradle
Aside from one last week of getting things in order around here, we've pretty much wrapped up another summer.
I am not an intellectual homeschool mom. My idea of preparation is not diving into preparing classes. My idea of preparation is getting behind all the furniture and appliances to clean, knowing that whatever doesn't get attention will have to wait another year. I know this sounds weird. I don't care if things are untidy, but I have to know underneath that they are clean, at least for as long as clean lasts for the duration of another year. I know so many wonderful homeschool moms that have that natural gift of teaching. I am so thankful for them, since a few of them have filled in the gaping holes of "Roots and Wings Academy" (the name Cassie chose for our homeschool when she graduated. I, at one time longed to be more like them, but alas, it is not meant to be. The part of homeschooling I feel most comfortable with is the age level Ethan is (close to 5 years) through about third grade. My favorite thing to do in those years is to sit down with my child or children snuggled up and read books. I enjoy instructing them in the 3 r's. Beyond that I have always felt out of my league. Overall, one thing I have been able to conclude thus far is this:
Children need academics, but above and I would be so bold as to say, way beyond that, children need moms who are there and moms who love. I have always believed the old saying, "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world". So to all of you moms out there who may be tempted to think your finest quality doesn't seem to exceed rocking the cradle, take courage. The greatest and most important influence you will ever have in this world comes through rocking the cradle!
I am not an intellectual homeschool mom. My idea of preparation is not diving into preparing classes. My idea of preparation is getting behind all the furniture and appliances to clean, knowing that whatever doesn't get attention will have to wait another year. I know this sounds weird. I don't care if things are untidy, but I have to know underneath that they are clean, at least for as long as clean lasts for the duration of another year. I know so many wonderful homeschool moms that have that natural gift of teaching. I am so thankful for them, since a few of them have filled in the gaping holes of "Roots and Wings Academy" (the name Cassie chose for our homeschool when she graduated. I, at one time longed to be more like them, but alas, it is not meant to be. The part of homeschooling I feel most comfortable with is the age level Ethan is (close to 5 years) through about third grade. My favorite thing to do in those years is to sit down with my child or children snuggled up and read books. I enjoy instructing them in the 3 r's. Beyond that I have always felt out of my league. Overall, one thing I have been able to conclude thus far is this:
Children need academics, but above and I would be so bold as to say, way beyond that, children need moms who are there and moms who love. I have always believed the old saying, "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world". So to all of you moms out there who may be tempted to think your finest quality doesn't seem to exceed rocking the cradle, take courage. The greatest and most important influence you will ever have in this world comes through rocking the cradle!
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
A Way of Escape
"God is faithful,who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it."
1 Cor. 10:13
I used to interpret this verse wrong. I didn't really want to comprehend the words, "with the temptation", nor the words,"so that you will be able to endure it". I liked to dwell on this part ..."who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able". My idea was, at the point when I couldn't stand my trial any longer, God would surely bring me immediate calm waters in the midst of every storm. Though I am aware God is able to do so and sometimes does, He has been teaching me how to take hold of another part of this verse..."will provide a way of escape". I think of the people with addictions. They are looking for a way of escape. We are sure to let them know they have no escape in things like drugs and alcohol. Indeed, we are right to do so. They desparately need to know, however, there is an escape. It is the holy dwelling places of the Most High; this is the Christian's escape. It is our sanctuary, a resting place in a world that makes no sense, and is full of hurt and pain. Here in the sanctuary, we hide ourselves in the loving imbrace of He who made us, died, and rose again for us. He lives for the moments that we draw near to His side, and the one final moment when He will rescue us for good.
If we are going to portray a picture of this sanctuary (which we all need), to those who desparately see their need for an escape, we have to imbrace the parts of the verse in 1 Cor. 10:13 that at first seem repulsive. The part about "with the temptation" and the part about enduring in it. If we have not experienced the great miracle of God to keep us in the storm, how can we ever be sure that God can keep those with the worst dependencies. I don't think we can be very convincing if we are not certain ourselves first and foremost of the power of God in and through our own impossible situations.
God, in His mercy, is making me strong through the power of utter dependency upon Him. His all encompassing love, His all encompassing approval based on His own shed blood, His all encompassing wisdom for the moment at hand, His all encompassing peace, rest, and security, provide for me a place of escape. I find all of these things in my sanctuary with the Lord. If you want to give it a romantic twist, you might call it our "secret get-away". Here I find myself more than a conquerer in the midst of these common temptations: anger, unforgiveness, division, self-focus, self-pity, and a multitude of other pitfalls.
We cannot escape trouble on this earth. We will all face at one point or another times that are overwhelming and impossible. The best books won't help us, counselling won't help us, friends and family will want to, but won't be able to help us. Our sanctuary will be the only place to fly, and that Someone there waiting for us is a very present help in times of trouble.
"there is a stream that makes glad the city of God, the holy dwelling places of the Most High. God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved. God will help her when morning dawns...Cease striving and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46
1 Cor. 10:13
I used to interpret this verse wrong. I didn't really want to comprehend the words, "with the temptation", nor the words,"so that you will be able to endure it". I liked to dwell on this part ..."who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able". My idea was, at the point when I couldn't stand my trial any longer, God would surely bring me immediate calm waters in the midst of every storm. Though I am aware God is able to do so and sometimes does, He has been teaching me how to take hold of another part of this verse..."will provide a way of escape". I think of the people with addictions. They are looking for a way of escape. We are sure to let them know they have no escape in things like drugs and alcohol. Indeed, we are right to do so. They desparately need to know, however, there is an escape. It is the holy dwelling places of the Most High; this is the Christian's escape. It is our sanctuary, a resting place in a world that makes no sense, and is full of hurt and pain. Here in the sanctuary, we hide ourselves in the loving imbrace of He who made us, died, and rose again for us. He lives for the moments that we draw near to His side, and the one final moment when He will rescue us for good.
If we are going to portray a picture of this sanctuary (which we all need), to those who desparately see their need for an escape, we have to imbrace the parts of the verse in 1 Cor. 10:13 that at first seem repulsive. The part about "with the temptation" and the part about enduring in it. If we have not experienced the great miracle of God to keep us in the storm, how can we ever be sure that God can keep those with the worst dependencies. I don't think we can be very convincing if we are not certain ourselves first and foremost of the power of God in and through our own impossible situations.
God, in His mercy, is making me strong through the power of utter dependency upon Him. His all encompassing love, His all encompassing approval based on His own shed blood, His all encompassing wisdom for the moment at hand, His all encompassing peace, rest, and security, provide for me a place of escape. I find all of these things in my sanctuary with the Lord. If you want to give it a romantic twist, you might call it our "secret get-away". Here I find myself more than a conquerer in the midst of these common temptations: anger, unforgiveness, division, self-focus, self-pity, and a multitude of other pitfalls.
We cannot escape trouble on this earth. We will all face at one point or another times that are overwhelming and impossible. The best books won't help us, counselling won't help us, friends and family will want to, but won't be able to help us. Our sanctuary will be the only place to fly, and that Someone there waiting for us is a very present help in times of trouble.
"there is a stream that makes glad the city of God, the holy dwelling places of the Most High. God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved. God will help her when morning dawns...Cease striving and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Updates and blessings!
I hardly know what to write. We have been through various emotions these past few weeks as the reality sets in that Mark's condition remains pretty much the same; without relief. Many ask how he is and I hate to not be able to give a good report. The last treatment was this past Thursday with a final evaluation on
Friday. Of course the chiropractor didn't want it to be the last, but Mark and I agree that it is too costly to continue going all the way to Tyler, when we have seen no change. Medical bills are piling up, not to mention gas expense, and work-loss time.
In spite of it all I have peace. God's word is my firm foundation. By His stripes we are healed. Mark doesn't need any created source to heal him. God may use these things, whether they be doctors or medicine or special foods, but He is not limited by these things. I will not give in to unbelief. I will stand on what I know to be true. God will bear this burden for us. In truth, He daily bears the burdens we are willing to cast upon Him. So we should pray for God to have mercy on us that we might be able to surrender every care to Him, for He cares for us. I must pray every day for healing for Mark. God is able to hold him up and give him what it takes to do what he has to do for that day. Certainly, it is harder for Mark to take hold of this, since he is the one in pain. God says, however, "two is better than one". God has used Mark's amazing gift of discernment to protect me from many toils and snares. I was able to remind him of that the other day. I also reminded him to lean on me also. I know God has given me an extra measure of hope in the midst of this trial. I won't stop believing God is in complete command of all that concerns us. In no way does this diminish the pain I feel for him, but I refuse to let our emotions rule over the truth. That being God's grace is sufficient for us, and He is made strong in our weakness. This all sounds so bold. It is, if fact, impossible! But I have found that my Savior delights in delivering us in the impossible. I am able, by His precious blood to approach His throne boldly, for the grace needed in the storm!
Thanks to all of you who pray for us. I'm sure your prayers are carrying us right now. Don't stop!
We are so happy to have Connor home. It has cheered our hearts to hear of his adventures in Russia and all God is doing there. It was a different sort of trip than that of last year in India. As he said, one of "breaking ground". A lot of group prayer in stratigic places took place. God does not forget the prayers of the saint and every one counts. May He send workers into the harvest to build upon this foundation of prayer. He is surely moving in those places.
We have plenty of things to praise God for. As if it were not enough to give us His own precious blood and resurrected life, he showers us daily. Cassie's commitment to Ukrain is taking shape. Hopefully she will be on her way sometime between Jan.-Mar. of 2008. God has opened up many wonderful opportunities for our kids for their homeschool this year. I can't tell you what a relief this is. I haven't been able to even think about it. But the Spirit never fails to order it all for me in the most practical ways. It is true that He does not withhold any good thing from those who trust Him. Amen!!
Friday. Of course the chiropractor didn't want it to be the last, but Mark and I agree that it is too costly to continue going all the way to Tyler, when we have seen no change. Medical bills are piling up, not to mention gas expense, and work-loss time.
In spite of it all I have peace. God's word is my firm foundation. By His stripes we are healed. Mark doesn't need any created source to heal him. God may use these things, whether they be doctors or medicine or special foods, but He is not limited by these things. I will not give in to unbelief. I will stand on what I know to be true. God will bear this burden for us. In truth, He daily bears the burdens we are willing to cast upon Him. So we should pray for God to have mercy on us that we might be able to surrender every care to Him, for He cares for us. I must pray every day for healing for Mark. God is able to hold him up and give him what it takes to do what he has to do for that day. Certainly, it is harder for Mark to take hold of this, since he is the one in pain. God says, however, "two is better than one". God has used Mark's amazing gift of discernment to protect me from many toils and snares. I was able to remind him of that the other day. I also reminded him to lean on me also. I know God has given me an extra measure of hope in the midst of this trial. I won't stop believing God is in complete command of all that concerns us. In no way does this diminish the pain I feel for him, but I refuse to let our emotions rule over the truth. That being God's grace is sufficient for us, and He is made strong in our weakness. This all sounds so bold. It is, if fact, impossible! But I have found that my Savior delights in delivering us in the impossible. I am able, by His precious blood to approach His throne boldly, for the grace needed in the storm!
Thanks to all of you who pray for us. I'm sure your prayers are carrying us right now. Don't stop!
We are so happy to have Connor home. It has cheered our hearts to hear of his adventures in Russia and all God is doing there. It was a different sort of trip than that of last year in India. As he said, one of "breaking ground". A lot of group prayer in stratigic places took place. God does not forget the prayers of the saint and every one counts. May He send workers into the harvest to build upon this foundation of prayer. He is surely moving in those places.
We have plenty of things to praise God for. As if it were not enough to give us His own precious blood and resurrected life, he showers us daily. Cassie's commitment to Ukrain is taking shape. Hopefully she will be on her way sometime between Jan.-Mar. of 2008. God has opened up many wonderful opportunities for our kids for their homeschool this year. I can't tell you what a relief this is. I haven't been able to even think about it. But the Spirit never fails to order it all for me in the most practical ways. It is true that He does not withhold any good thing from those who trust Him. Amen!!
Saturday, July 14, 2007
My Sanctuary
This has been a challenging week. One of storms and seas crashing down on me, and yet feeling as though the Lord is, in spite of it all holding me up. I am not referring to any circumstances of my own, but to two precious members of the body of Christ. To anyone, therefore, who is part of the body, one and all are affected. To hear of divorce in the body of Christ shakes us all.
I used to think because God hates it, it should never be the choice of a Christian. I don't think that way anymore. I don't feel a need to explain why. For one thing, I don't think I could explain it if I wanted to at this point. I have a lot of questions that are not answered yet, and for the first time in my life, I am realizing when I have questions, that I have total liberty to wait on God for answers. I, in other words, no longer let Satan push me around and make me feel as though I'm sinning just because I don't have everything figured out.
Aside from my own personal questions, When I hear of divorce in the body of Christ among my very own friends, I think it is appropriate to cry and mourn and weep. I think of the story of the rich young ruler. Jesus, basically said that it is impossible for people such as he to be saved. The disciples threw up their hands and cried out, "Then who can be saved?!". I felt like those disciples this week. If these, my friends fall, then who can be saved? Jesus' reply for the rich man is the same for me, what is impossible for men is possible with God. So, while it is appropriate to mourn, it is also appropiate to let God be the lifter of our heads. "Divorce" is only a word on a paper. God is bigger and mightier. As for the question of who can be saved? Those who are saved are those who are close to the ground and don't have far to fall. They do stumble and fall like a toddler, but they are not hurled headlong because they have made Jesus closer than a brother, and aloud Him to hold their hand (ps. 37:23).
The words of this song by Leland, to me, discribes the kind of relationship these friends of Jesus have . . .
All these places I have been
All these faces I have seen
Too much, too much
All these bricks and all these stones
Have all been cast the've all been thrown
Too hard, too hard
Find me in the background looking down
You'll never see my face
I'm looking down
Chorus:
I need a place a sanctuary a refuge for my ordinary
Finally familiar peaceful home
Untroubled safe from all this madness
Refuge for my hope and sadness
Possible to find myself alone
At home
All these cliffs and all these heights
They've just been too high to climb
Too high, too high
All these waves and all these seas
Have all been crashing down on me
Too much, too much
I've found my home again
I finally find myself in You
I finally find myself in you
I feel safe again
You're the one I'm running to
You're the one I'm running to
Thank you, Jesus, for giving me a place to grieve, and above all for protecting my hope for my friends and for myself. Praise be to God, this earth is not my home, my home and my hope is in Christ!
I used to think because God hates it, it should never be the choice of a Christian. I don't think that way anymore. I don't feel a need to explain why. For one thing, I don't think I could explain it if I wanted to at this point. I have a lot of questions that are not answered yet, and for the first time in my life, I am realizing when I have questions, that I have total liberty to wait on God for answers. I, in other words, no longer let Satan push me around and make me feel as though I'm sinning just because I don't have everything figured out.
Aside from my own personal questions, When I hear of divorce in the body of Christ among my very own friends, I think it is appropriate to cry and mourn and weep. I think of the story of the rich young ruler. Jesus, basically said that it is impossible for people such as he to be saved. The disciples threw up their hands and cried out, "Then who can be saved?!". I felt like those disciples this week. If these, my friends fall, then who can be saved? Jesus' reply for the rich man is the same for me, what is impossible for men is possible with God. So, while it is appropriate to mourn, it is also appropiate to let God be the lifter of our heads. "Divorce" is only a word on a paper. God is bigger and mightier. As for the question of who can be saved? Those who are saved are those who are close to the ground and don't have far to fall. They do stumble and fall like a toddler, but they are not hurled headlong because they have made Jesus closer than a brother, and aloud Him to hold their hand (ps. 37:23).
The words of this song by Leland, to me, discribes the kind of relationship these friends of Jesus have . . .
All these places I have been
All these faces I have seen
Too much, too much
All these bricks and all these stones
Have all been cast the've all been thrown
Too hard, too hard
Find me in the background looking down
You'll never see my face
I'm looking down
Chorus:
I need a place a sanctuary a refuge for my ordinary
Finally familiar peaceful home
Untroubled safe from all this madness
Refuge for my hope and sadness
Possible to find myself alone
At home
All these cliffs and all these heights
They've just been too high to climb
Too high, too high
All these waves and all these seas
Have all been crashing down on me
Too much, too much
I've found my home again
I finally find myself in You
I finally find myself in you
I feel safe again
You're the one I'm running to
You're the one I'm running to
Thank you, Jesus, for giving me a place to grieve, and above all for protecting my hope for my friends and for myself. Praise be to God, this earth is not my home, my home and my hope is in Christ!
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Rejoicing in the Mundane
Cass and I have spent a few afternoons putting up tomatoes in this past week. Being busy in the kitchen we both admit causes a bond between us that is special. I like decoring, and she likes pealing the tomatoes after they have gone through the blanching process. She likes squishing her fingers through the tomatoes as she transfers them to the blender. I guess it's kind of like the experience you get when you squish your toes in the mud. Whatever!
Speaking of mud. That is something we are not running short of around here. Portions of our driveway are down at the other end of our field. Kind of makes us glad our house sits up on piers.
Mattie is having a group of girls over today for a kind of girl's club. Cass is leading them with an encouragement time in the Word. I'm going to do some homemaking things with them. We plan to do this for the month of July on Tuesdays. It ought to be interesting teaching five 11 year olds how to bake bread and some basic skills on a sewing machine. I'll let you know if I've bitten off more than I can chew.
Ethan is coming out with some funny things these days. While in the car the other day, I heard him singing to himself. "I love you Jesus. I'm sorry you had to die. It wasn't my fault". Eventually, we have some explaining to do, but at least he's on the right track.
I have to tell you about the angel I met last week at the nursing home. She is a black woman, not very old, all curled up in a specially made chair. She is totally helpless to do anything for herself. I don't think she can even say words, but only makes noises. I have passed by her many times on my visits to Mamie. This time the Spirit told me to acknowledge her. I reached down and took her hand. I got the most beautiful smile in return. She took my hand with a firm grasp and began kissing and kissing it. She has a beautiful countenance, and seems to be waiting there to see who she can share it with. I went away wondering who was ministered to.
Things like tomatoes, girl's clubs, the comments of a four year old, and angels unawares. How often I let the devil feed me the lie that my life is nothing extraordinary!
Speaking of mud. That is something we are not running short of around here. Portions of our driveway are down at the other end of our field. Kind of makes us glad our house sits up on piers.
Mattie is having a group of girls over today for a kind of girl's club. Cass is leading them with an encouragement time in the Word. I'm going to do some homemaking things with them. We plan to do this for the month of July on Tuesdays. It ought to be interesting teaching five 11 year olds how to bake bread and some basic skills on a sewing machine. I'll let you know if I've bitten off more than I can chew.
Ethan is coming out with some funny things these days. While in the car the other day, I heard him singing to himself. "I love you Jesus. I'm sorry you had to die. It wasn't my fault". Eventually, we have some explaining to do, but at least he's on the right track.
I have to tell you about the angel I met last week at the nursing home. She is a black woman, not very old, all curled up in a specially made chair. She is totally helpless to do anything for herself. I don't think she can even say words, but only makes noises. I have passed by her many times on my visits to Mamie. This time the Spirit told me to acknowledge her. I reached down and took her hand. I got the most beautiful smile in return. She took my hand with a firm grasp and began kissing and kissing it. She has a beautiful countenance, and seems to be waiting there to see who she can share it with. I went away wondering who was ministered to.
Things like tomatoes, girl's clubs, the comments of a four year old, and angels unawares. How often I let the devil feed me the lie that my life is nothing extraordinary!
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Thanks for praying
It was another hard visit to Mamie's last Wednesday. I appreciate everyone's encouragement. I have to constantly be reminded I am not the Holy Spirit. Jesus, please forgive my pride. I don't know what the balance between carrying a burden for someone and going overboard into playing the part of the Holy Spirit is. But, as Ted commented, every visit counts. God will bring fruit not because I am "spiritual" but because He is love. When He hears the prayers of the saints for someone who is lost, He cannot refuse. He is hearing our prayers for Mamie and loving it.
Big praise! Connor, Peter, and Rustin are in the air headed for Elpaso, as I write. The team of about 35 people depart Tuesday for Moscow. Praise God! Thanks to the loving offering of the church body and many other givers. Also, to all those who provided ways for the guys to earn money through the garage sale and offers of work. They sweated a lot, but as Bruce said, " It should cost you something".
Big praise! Connor, Peter, and Rustin are in the air headed for Elpaso, as I write. The team of about 35 people depart Tuesday for Moscow. Praise God! Thanks to the loving offering of the church body and many other givers. Also, to all those who provided ways for the guys to earn money through the garage sale and offers of work. They sweated a lot, but as Bruce said, " It should cost you something".
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
urgent prayer request
If you read the last entry made by Mattie you already know our last visit to the nursing home was not easy. I've started going to "Whispering Pines" because my neighbor, who most of you have prayed with me for for quite some time, is now a resident there. Mattie had a hard time for different reasons than I, but none-the-less pray for her too as I intend to keep taking her with me weekly.
My request is for Mamie, my neighbor. She does not have peace about where she is going after death and is challenging me more and more on that subject. I have had to get more bold with her about some issues that she doesn't see as sin. She is from the generation of "deep south" mentality, in which there is a prejudice against other races, especially blacks. She considers them inferior to her own race, and never hesitates to speak with derogatory words towards them even in the presence of my 11 year old daughter. I had to get really bold last week when one such incident came up. I had to tell her how wrong it is to talk so about the very people who, ironically, are taking care of her now that she is in this home. She is certain she is a Christian, but we all know there is a current of hatred that runs under such an attitude. I John makes it plain that we can't say we love God and hate our brother at the same time. Her pride in the religion she was taught by her parents keeps her from repentance. They had the same attitude, therefore it must be okay. To repent would be to have to admit that her parents where wrong. This will take a miracle, but I believe God wants to do just that.
I stood up for the righteous way with a measure of boldness last week, but I must confess if Mattie had not been there I may have brushed it off. I am ashamed to admit I have brushed off this attitude before. It isn't easy being confrontational. I felt I was arguing, and the Lord warns us against arguing with unbeliever in I Tim. I left feeling uncertain if I had really been saying what the Spirit wanted me to say.
As I was seeking God about these things while later slapping sandwiches together for lunch, the Spirit came to me and reminded me of what Jesus said about the Jewish leaders. That they wouldn't have known they had sin if He had not come as a light to shine against their darkness. He raised a standard and then they knew they had sin. They had to make a choice. I was later reminded by Bud in his sermon, that when Peter preached on the day of Pentecost some of these same religious people, who just shortly thought they were doing God a favor by crucifying Jesus, now pleaded with Peter on how they could be saved. Some of them, however, a short time later stoned Stephen.
Pray for me. We need to be covered tomorrow as we will make our weekly visit. I feel things are coming to a head. Mamie herself, who is 89 says she knows she is still here because she is not ready to meet the Lord. Pray I will speak boldly. I want to avoid arguments, but I know now I must speak boldly to Mamie about this, or she may never see it as sin. Pray for Mamie. That she won't let pride ruin her soul. Pray for Mattie, that she won't shrink back from the opportunity to dig her well deep by loving these poor, rejected people at the nursing home.
Stephanie, thank you so much for encouraging her by your response to her blog entry. Others on the outside can sometimes say things better than a parent. Thanks for helping Mattie to dig her well!
I will change the subject now and give you all a praise report. Mark is going to get the spinal decompression treatments. Multiple conformations, including encouragement even from the medical doctor he has been seeing, make it clear this is the way to go. There are to be 20 treatments lasting over a 5 week period. He is not suppose to lift more than 15-20 lbs. This will be tricky finding work while at the same time obeying doc's orders. I am through, however, worrying over provision. He knows my needs before I ask. How absurd would it be for me, of all people, whom God has proven a million times He can handle the provision thing, to have the audacity to worry. Anyway, I believe God is going to use these treatments to heal Mark. Maybe you all could believe along with me, just as you have so faithfully prayed us through so much already. Thanks to all!
Peace and Blessings!
My request is for Mamie, my neighbor. She does not have peace about where she is going after death and is challenging me more and more on that subject. I have had to get more bold with her about some issues that she doesn't see as sin. She is from the generation of "deep south" mentality, in which there is a prejudice against other races, especially blacks. She considers them inferior to her own race, and never hesitates to speak with derogatory words towards them even in the presence of my 11 year old daughter. I had to get really bold last week when one such incident came up. I had to tell her how wrong it is to talk so about the very people who, ironically, are taking care of her now that she is in this home. She is certain she is a Christian, but we all know there is a current of hatred that runs under such an attitude. I John makes it plain that we can't say we love God and hate our brother at the same time. Her pride in the religion she was taught by her parents keeps her from repentance. They had the same attitude, therefore it must be okay. To repent would be to have to admit that her parents where wrong. This will take a miracle, but I believe God wants to do just that.
I stood up for the righteous way with a measure of boldness last week, but I must confess if Mattie had not been there I may have brushed it off. I am ashamed to admit I have brushed off this attitude before. It isn't easy being confrontational. I felt I was arguing, and the Lord warns us against arguing with unbeliever in I Tim. I left feeling uncertain if I had really been saying what the Spirit wanted me to say.
As I was seeking God about these things while later slapping sandwiches together for lunch, the Spirit came to me and reminded me of what Jesus said about the Jewish leaders. That they wouldn't have known they had sin if He had not come as a light to shine against their darkness. He raised a standard and then they knew they had sin. They had to make a choice. I was later reminded by Bud in his sermon, that when Peter preached on the day of Pentecost some of these same religious people, who just shortly thought they were doing God a favor by crucifying Jesus, now pleaded with Peter on how they could be saved. Some of them, however, a short time later stoned Stephen.
Pray for me. We need to be covered tomorrow as we will make our weekly visit. I feel things are coming to a head. Mamie herself, who is 89 says she knows she is still here because she is not ready to meet the Lord. Pray I will speak boldly. I want to avoid arguments, but I know now I must speak boldly to Mamie about this, or she may never see it as sin. Pray for Mamie. That she won't let pride ruin her soul. Pray for Mattie, that she won't shrink back from the opportunity to dig her well deep by loving these poor, rejected people at the nursing home.
Stephanie, thank you so much for encouraging her by your response to her blog entry. Others on the outside can sometimes say things better than a parent. Thanks for helping Mattie to dig her well!
I will change the subject now and give you all a praise report. Mark is going to get the spinal decompression treatments. Multiple conformations, including encouragement even from the medical doctor he has been seeing, make it clear this is the way to go. There are to be 20 treatments lasting over a 5 week period. He is not suppose to lift more than 15-20 lbs. This will be tricky finding work while at the same time obeying doc's orders. I am through, however, worrying over provision. He knows my needs before I ask. How absurd would it be for me, of all people, whom God has proven a million times He can handle the provision thing, to have the audacity to worry. Anyway, I believe God is going to use these treatments to heal Mark. Maybe you all could believe along with me, just as you have so faithfully prayed us through so much already. Thanks to all!
Peace and Blessings!
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
My Fun\Exhausting Afternoon!
This is Mattie. I don't have a blog so my mom has graciously offered to let me use her's. Today Mom and I went to vist our former neighber who lives in a nursing home. I went in knowing it was going to be hard but thought I could make everyone happy. I came like a puppy who just got a severe scolding. It was so depressing in there! There is absolutely NO joy! The happy spirit is dead. My heart broke.
But anyway. On to the happy things! The Beach family were having their house sprayed for fleas so they came and spent the afternoon with us. It was sooooooooo much fun! Hannah brought her polly pockets over and we played with those for a while and then went swimming for almost two hours! It was fun but I'm exhausted! Well I gotta help Mom with supper so toodle-doo!
But anyway. On to the happy things! The Beach family were having their house sprayed for fleas so they came and spent the afternoon with us. It was sooooooooo much fun! Hannah brought her polly pockets over and we played with those for a while and then went swimming for almost two hours! It was fun but I'm exhausted! Well I gotta help Mom with supper so toodle-doo!
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
New hope for Mark
We have good news! The Lord has seen fit to lead us in a new direction involving treatment for Mark's back. We have been hearing about Spinal decompression treatments. We did not pursue this avenue before because it is provided through Chiropractic Clinics. We have insurance that has graciously been provided for us, and we didn't know if it would cover anything but medical stuff. Being in the throws of consultations with medical doctors, Mark felt we should stay on one course and not vary. Through testing, it has finally been diagnosed that he has 4 discs suffering from moderate degeneration. This means they are wearing out and will only get worse as things generally go. At this point, the doctor has recommended a proceedure that only masks pain, at best up to 70%. Mark is supposed to have a consultation this Thursday about that proceedure. He has not had a peace about this during this past two months of waiting for this appointment. Finally, yesterday morning before work he told me to call and see if we could get in to a clinic in Tyler that we know about that provides the spinal decompression treatment. Cass and I prayed that if this is supposed to be a new direction for us God would give us confirmation by allowing us to get such a spur-of-the-moment appointment. We got it and the girl on the line was very positive that they had been able to help lots of people with Mark's condition. Later that day, Mark and I were driving down Judson Road and saw a big sign in front of a newly opened clinic. The name is Spinal Decompression Clinic of Texas. We passed back by later. The doc showed us around and set up an appointment with Mark for Wednesday afternoon. The treatment is done on a computerized machine attached to a table on which the patient lies. It actually pulls and reopens the discs in order for circulation and nutrition to be restored to the tissue between the discs. The treatments go on from 4-6 weeks, about 4 times a week. Each treatment lasts 30 minutes and is suppose to actually be comfortable.
We were so encouraged. We later saw a commercial that flashed up about spinal decompression. Kelly Cavel also e-mailed a phone number she had gotten off a comercial earlier that day. It seems like God is flashing his "this is the way, walk ye in it" sign all over the place.
So, please pray for us this week. We are so grateful for this new hope. We are also grateful to all you friends and family that have prayed us through this so far, not to mention even helped take care of our physical needs. Thanks for the love you have poured out. Most of all thanks to the Lord. He truly carries us.
We were so encouraged. We later saw a commercial that flashed up about spinal decompression. Kelly Cavel also e-mailed a phone number she had gotten off a comercial earlier that day. It seems like God is flashing his "this is the way, walk ye in it" sign all over the place.
So, please pray for us this week. We are so grateful for this new hope. We are also grateful to all you friends and family that have prayed us through this so far, not to mention even helped take care of our physical needs. Thanks for the love you have poured out. Most of all thanks to the Lord. He truly carries us.
Friday, June 1, 2007
The Valley of Baca
My heart swells with gratitude to the living God. He is full of mercy and compassion. I find myself weeping again. That is what Baca means. The valley of Baca, is the valley of weeping. This, I know does not sound like a very desirable label for anything. But I find it describes well the broken place I find myself. Things happen everyday that remind me of this brokenness and utter dependency on my Savior.
I'm here all alone this evening (a rare moment). A friend, thinking no one was here came by to leave an envelope with $100 in it. A verse was also enclosed, but no signature. She obviously wanted to be anonymous. We chatted for a few minutes and she left. I came inside and opened it and promply fell to my knees. This dear sister cannot afford this, but she is obeying the Lord, and the biggest blessing will be hers. Here I am again God! How long will I be on the receiving end? How long will I be in this valley where nothing makes sense? No answers for my many questions come through. Like David, I find tears are my only comfort.
Mark is still in so much pain every time he tries to do a job for more than one day. The doctor offers no hope accept a proceedure that manages the pain. One job that would usually take three days takes two weeks. No company will hire anyone who calls in sick 2-3 times a week. I never dreamed this would go on for a year after six previous years of financial strain.
This is a part of my May 30th journal entry:
" I have been learning what it means to wait on the Lord this past year. I did not set out to learn this, cliffs too steep, mountains too high pressed me into it. I have prayed for an unwavering faith, courage, and most of all the joy of the Lord. The Lord has given me nothing but weeping. THe strange thing is weeping has become my dearest friend to the point that I'm almost sad to think God will wipe every tear away some day, and that sound will cease to be heard. "
A few weeks ago I was led to the passage in Exodus about when Moses pleaded for God's spirit not to depart from the children of Israel. Moses basically tells God not to let him live any longer if His spirit is going to depart and not go with them. I felt a longing to say that prayer. I told God I didn't care anymore how my life went, I just could not and would not go on without a His spirit. I still cry over my lot, but somewhere in all of this I find myself crying more and more over other people. Perhaps, because like my sister in the Lord who just came to my door bearing a gift, I am still giving every time a tear falls for someones marriage, lost child, or all those sad people at the nursing home where my neighbor has recently had to go.
So, Lord, let the springs come. I know I can dwell here in this valley as long as You dwell with me.
I'm here all alone this evening (a rare moment). A friend, thinking no one was here came by to leave an envelope with $100 in it. A verse was also enclosed, but no signature. She obviously wanted to be anonymous. We chatted for a few minutes and she left. I came inside and opened it and promply fell to my knees. This dear sister cannot afford this, but she is obeying the Lord, and the biggest blessing will be hers. Here I am again God! How long will I be on the receiving end? How long will I be in this valley where nothing makes sense? No answers for my many questions come through. Like David, I find tears are my only comfort.
Mark is still in so much pain every time he tries to do a job for more than one day. The doctor offers no hope accept a proceedure that manages the pain. One job that would usually take three days takes two weeks. No company will hire anyone who calls in sick 2-3 times a week. I never dreamed this would go on for a year after six previous years of financial strain.
This is a part of my May 30th journal entry:
" I have been learning what it means to wait on the Lord this past year. I did not set out to learn this, cliffs too steep, mountains too high pressed me into it. I have prayed for an unwavering faith, courage, and most of all the joy of the Lord. The Lord has given me nothing but weeping. THe strange thing is weeping has become my dearest friend to the point that I'm almost sad to think God will wipe every tear away some day, and that sound will cease to be heard. "
A few weeks ago I was led to the passage in Exodus about when Moses pleaded for God's spirit not to depart from the children of Israel. Moses basically tells God not to let him live any longer if His spirit is going to depart and not go with them. I felt a longing to say that prayer. I told God I didn't care anymore how my life went, I just could not and would not go on without a His spirit. I still cry over my lot, but somewhere in all of this I find myself crying more and more over other people. Perhaps, because like my sister in the Lord who just came to my door bearing a gift, I am still giving every time a tear falls for someones marriage, lost child, or all those sad people at the nursing home where my neighbor has recently had to go.
So, Lord, let the springs come. I know I can dwell here in this valley as long as You dwell with me.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Taken by Surprise
I am in a state of shock at myself. I have a blog! Those of you who really know me must be shocked too. The first time I ever heard the word, I thought it was a new clog dance; certainly not a high-tech term having to do with computers. But here I am, the person who has as little as possible to do with computers and no interest in improving upon myself in this area, with a blog.
It was the Lord who did it. A few days ago He said, "Bonnie, I want you to start a blog". I said, "Lord, you've got to be kidding. It's just not me God, I keep all my time compartmentalized. If I do this, I will get lost in the sea of unending entries that zap all the time I spend serving you, Lord. I'll say too many personal things. I'll use words wrong. I'll talk too much about myself. I'll be too gushy. It won't be as exciting as so-in-so's and no one will read it. I'll . . . . . . "The Lord broke in, "Bonnie, I want you to start a blog". I sensed some excitement brewing. Like when, as a child, my dad suddenly announced, "everyone pack up we're spending the weekend at the houseboat on the lake" or the time Mark informed me, with a twinkle in his eye, he was taking me to Maine.
I made the mistake of casually whispering it to Cassie, the blog queen. Big mistake!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She promptly sat me down by the computer and set the whole darn thing up for me. When it came to naming it she even encouraged me to stop and pray about it. We prayed together. I thought she would come up with something clever, since she always comes through in this area. Low and behold a name popped into my head, totally original (the person who always copies everyone else's ideas). You again, God!!!!
So, here I am taken by surprise. I am both giddy at the possibilities of what God may do through such a blog and scared to death of my inadequacies. I'm not even sure why I'm doing this. I have found it to be true, Aslan is not a tame lion. I long for security, but He beckons to the unknown.
"So, okay, Lord, I give up. Go ahead, have your blog, but don't expect me to know what to do with it". Somehow, I sense that was the attitude He was waiting for.
It was the Lord who did it. A few days ago He said, "Bonnie, I want you to start a blog". I said, "Lord, you've got to be kidding. It's just not me God, I keep all my time compartmentalized. If I do this, I will get lost in the sea of unending entries that zap all the time I spend serving you, Lord. I'll say too many personal things. I'll use words wrong. I'll talk too much about myself. I'll be too gushy. It won't be as exciting as so-in-so's and no one will read it. I'll . . . . . . "The Lord broke in, "Bonnie, I want you to start a blog". I sensed some excitement brewing. Like when, as a child, my dad suddenly announced, "everyone pack up we're spending the weekend at the houseboat on the lake" or the time Mark informed me, with a twinkle in his eye, he was taking me to Maine.
I made the mistake of casually whispering it to Cassie, the blog queen. Big mistake!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She promptly sat me down by the computer and set the whole darn thing up for me. When it came to naming it she even encouraged me to stop and pray about it. We prayed together. I thought she would come up with something clever, since she always comes through in this area. Low and behold a name popped into my head, totally original (the person who always copies everyone else's ideas). You again, God!!!!
So, here I am taken by surprise. I am both giddy at the possibilities of what God may do through such a blog and scared to death of my inadequacies. I'm not even sure why I'm doing this. I have found it to be true, Aslan is not a tame lion. I long for security, but He beckons to the unknown.
"So, okay, Lord, I give up. Go ahead, have your blog, but don't expect me to know what to do with it". Somehow, I sense that was the attitude He was waiting for.
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