The Unchangeable of His Purpose

I awoke around 3:30am last Wednesday morning gripped with anxiety over my new neighbors. I know it sounds weird that of all the things I could be anxious about, my mind was consumed with the neighbors. But this recent change of new people in "the hood" on two separate sides has been getting to me.

There are the usual, expected changes in life. Our families grow and expand with each child the Lord blesses us with. Their needs are constantly changing as they mature. Our bodies change as we find ourselves on the other side of the hill. I used to be able to put on a little weight and it would stay right where it was. Now it sinks, and its all bumpy! We have had a few sermons on change at church lately. Our church is growing and we are in a period of shuffle. These are all the normal changes of life.

The little community we live in here on the outskirts of Longview has long been known as Omega, Texas. A place like Omega, meaning "the end", is a place where you can expect things not to change much. I have lived here since I was 12 years old. Mark and I married when I was 22 and I moved down the hill into the mobile home that was provided for me. Six years later I moved down the hill a little further into the log house Mark and my dad built for us. I have lived here ever since with an address that has changed only once since I was 12, and that was because the 911 emergency calling system was being reorganized. The neighbors on both sides of me have not changed much either. The little lady up the hill to the north was there before me. Finally, at age 89 she was admitted into a nursing home this past spring. Her grandson and wife, plus three daughters came to occupy her house this past August. The lady in the house that used to belong to my brother just sold out after six years, to a single, oil field worker guy. So, I find, even in Omega, God forbid, that change is staring me in the face again.

I have been weighed down with the burden of ceremony beyond what I can bear as I have obsessed over this new neighbor issue. I know I should take some of the fresh baked bread Mattie has been baking over to each household and welcome them to the neighborhood. But alas, what I used to be so eager to do, that thing, like Paul laments in Romans 7, I find I can't do. Not only do I not have any desire to welcome the neighbors, but because I have already been informed of a few details about each household, I have allowed myself to form the opinion that I don't even like these neighbors. (May God have mercy on me if I ever have to be a new neighbor!) There it is! That is what is gripping me with anxiety. It is not the changes themselves, it is the fear of my reaction to them. I am afraid of myself and what I know I am becoming if the Holy Spirit does not mercifully intervene!

I tossed and turned till 4am. I got up and cried to the Lord, "What is to keep me from falling? What if I do fall, will you catch me? Must I continue to pull myself up by the boot straps and go through motions I have no heart for? Then, somehow will I feel the closeness of your presence? I have heard that feelings follow obedience, but I am tired and weary and I just need to know you love me and you are near whether I ever greet the neighbors or not."

The Psalms have been my Bible reading plan this past year. I have spent a good deal of it in Psalm 62. I turned there once again. My eyes rested on these words, "Trust in Him at all times, O people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us." Suddenly, He was there standing before me, loving me. Suddenly He was looking straight into my heart reminding me of how much He had given for me to be able to be with Him right then, right there. I melted as He lifted the whole burden concerning the neighbors. He assured me there would be a right time and place to do what I know is right to do. His precious Spirit made it clear in that moment that it wasn't going to be that day. I willingly laid on the altar my idea of how it would all work out that instant, and whispered, "What would you have me to do this day, my Lord?" He said, "Rest, I promise not to let go of you, ever!"

It is good to know one thing never changes. The unchangeableness of His purpose towards me!

Acceptance With Joy

I am ever so challenged to live in the present these days. Many of you know about the constant limbo our lives seems to be in. The state of Mark's back situation still remains very much up in the air as the doctor's keep trying one proceedure after another. I have been reading the great classic "Hind's Feet on High Places" and have been so encouraged by one part in particular where Much Afraid lays upon the altar her willingness to have acceptance-with-joy over whatever the Shepherd brings her way. As she journeys on down the road, impatience gets a foothold in her heart. Her enemies, bitterness, self-pity, and resentment come at her with such a vengence she can hardly make a stand against them. When the Shepherd comes to her rescue, He reminds her how well she was journeying until she allowed herself to become impatient. This is surely a word for me.

God required the children of Israel to gather only enough manna for the day at hand. I believe somewhere along the journey every Christian must learn how dependent he (she) is on God for even the most minute needs whether they be material, emotional, or spiritual. It is a hard lesson; It makes me feel so vulnerable. The truth of the matter is we all are. Could it be that God wants me to see how blessed those are that actually know it? These are not the kind of blessings I had in mind that I wanted God to give me. It is not what I would have chosen. I didn't know I would get dependence training 101. But as C.S. Lewis says in his children's tales "The Chronicles of Narnia", "He is not a tame lion".

Lord, give me the grace to accept with joy whatever you have!